Table of Contents
The Archaic Roots of the Fear of Failure
We are accustomed to perceiving failure as a real threat, when, in fact, the fear behind it is much more visceral and archaic. Exclusion or ostracization, in tribal times, equated to death itself and was perceived just like an imminent physical danger. For approximately 99% of humanity’s past, that is exactly what it meant: a lethal threat. Exile is, therefore, translated by your subconscious as death.
The Superhero Illusion and Hedonic Exile
Unfortunately, we are not misunderstood superheroes carrying the thirst for justice and the absolute power to enforce it on our shoulders. Superman or Batman, although characters who sometimes choose self-exile or become persona non grata to humanity, possess superpowers or resources that far exceed usual human abilities—even if that simply means a few billion dollars, as in Bruce Wayne’s case. Our reality, however, demonstrates a completely different and, paradoxically, similar behavior.
Vast material resources have given the privileged the ability to hedonically self-exile, to build anti-apocalyptic bunkers (I wonder how that will work out for them), or to buy private islands where they develop their own ecosystems, rules, and rituals—which, for the most part, are not the most noble.
The Buddhist Perspective: The Three Faces of “Thirst”
The need to succeed is closely linked to our genetic drive to be accepted by the tribe we belong to. In Buddhism, the Second Noble Truth is called tanha, signifying the concept of “thirst” or overwhelming craving. The thirst for pleasure is one thing, the thirst for existence is another, and the thirst for non-existence represents a completely different branch.
The thirst for existence involves the need to experience more of this life, the necessity of self-preservation, and the safeguarding of the ego. Hedonic thirst, on the other hand, has to do with the overindulgence of the senses. The more comfort and success you enjoy, the more ardent the motive to prolong your life becomes.
You want to enjoy what you have even more, so you do everything possible to secure the best conditions to increase your longevity. This is the root of the high-tech leaders’ race to cultivate immortality through artificial intelligence (an aspiration I consider a chimera, as it is profoundly different from immortality in the Taoist perspective). On the other hand, the thirst for non-existence is usually correlated with the experience of a lack of pleasure in the physical body, illness, or financial decline. These are those moments of exhaustion when you tell yourself you can’t take it anymore, that you’ve had enough, and you just want it to end. All three of these instances produce suffering, as Buddha rightly stated.
Dogma, the Tribe, and the Conformity Trap
Because the sets of rules adopted by archaic tribes represented existential norms—a dance of life and death on the borderline between acceptance and exclusion—today, your body reacts identically when you feel like you are doing something wrong, even when you are simply being natural. For example, in ultra-religious societies, those who contradict, deny, or renounce dogmas are immediately labeled black sheep, facing rejection and marginalization. These dogmas create a strong psychological tension in relation to the opposing experience, which then becomes an irresistible attraction for rebellious souls.
That being said, I remember that as a child, I wasn’t afraid of getting a bad grade in school. Instead, I was afraid of the reaction of my parents, grandparents, neighbors, family friends, or relatives. I was terrified by the thought that my mother would “make a fool of herself” in front of others if I wasn’t a top student and high achiever. This stigma haunted me for a long time, until I understood that, in fact, I wasn’t afraid of failure itself, but of the judgment of others and the possibility of losing the attention and love of those close to me. Love had thus become entirely conditional on performance.
Breaking Free from the Status Quo
The truth is that you can break free from this chain by understanding one essential thing: the only real mistake you can make is to run away from yourself and fail to be honest with your own needs. To a large extent, people don’t really care if you fail or succeed. If you reach the top, some will try to bring you down out of envy because you escaped the status quo. Others will fake sympathy just to gain a favor or an opportunity to stand on the podium next to you; and if that required you to fall and be replaced, your downfall wouldn’t hurt them very much.
Of course, this is a generalization that might upset you, but it can also offer valuable clues. If it helps you in any way, I will remind you right now that no, not all people are the same.
Realizing that the fear of failure is, essentially, the panic of being cast out of your own tribe can bring you profound relaxation. When you oscillate between “to be or not to be visible” on social media, the fundamental fear is not the lack of success, but the risk of doing something inappropriate that could cost you your integration and belonging.
Shake a Little. Change a Lot.
That Shakin' Guy
